Violence Ends With Us · PAUSE Toolkit · Pilot 2026
A positive discipline toolkit
PAUSE
Positive Alternatives to Unsafe & Severe Enforcement
What will you do in the next five seconds?
This flipbook walks you through five simple steps for responding to children with care, not fear.

Your answers become part of a living collection of change shared with parents, teachers, and communities across the Asia-Pacific.
Choose your language
A moment to look back. A moment to choose differently.
What is PAUSE?
PAUSE is a short, self-guided digital reflection experience that invites adults to look back at how they experienced discipline as children, recognize what they may be carrying into their responses today, and consider what they want to do differently.

It creates a gentle entry point into conversations about corporal punishment, positive discipline, and positive parenting, without judgment.

Because sometimes, before we can learn another way, we need a moment to remember the way we were taught. What happened to me? What do I do now? What do I want to change?
Why PAUSE?
Many adults were never taught another way to respond when a child makes a mistake. PAUSE creates a space between what happened to us and what we choose to pass on, helping us reflect on the kind of response, relationship, and memory we want to leave with a child.

The goal is not perfect parenting. It is one different response, one moment at a time.
A complement to the work already happening
PAUSE is created to complement existing parenting, child protection, family development, or community programs. It adds a moment of reflection from the perspective of children, creating a personal starting point for deeper learning and continued change.

Partners can use it before, during, or after existing sessions, or simply share it with families and communities as a resource they can return to. No new program to build. Just a space to pause.
Made to be accessible
PAUSE can be explored in English, Tagalog, Bisaya, Vietnamese, and Khmer, with text-to-voice and video features to make the experience more accessible and engaging.

The website also provides ways to learn more, connect with support, and continue the conversation beyond the toolkit.
How partners can use PAUSE
1
Share Send the toolkit through existing parent, caregiver, teacher, youth, or community networks.
2
Invite Give participants a few quiet minutes to explore it privately.
3
Reflect Let them move through the experience at their own pace and save their reflections along the way.
4
Connect & continue Use PAUSE to open conversations and connect people to your existing programs, services, resources, and support.
Let's create the pause before the change. A few quiet minutes. A memory. An honest reflection. And the possibility of responding differently next time.
Before we begin
Our safeguarding commitment, to you, and to children
This toolkit will ask you to be honest about how you were raised, and how you raise the children in your life today. Before you say anything, here is what we promise you in return.
Our promise to you as a parent or caregiver
  • No judgment. Disclosing that you've hit, shamed, or struggled with a child does not make you a bad parent in our eyes. It's why this toolkit exists.
  • No one is watching. This is self-guided. No facilitator, teacher, or barangay official sees you filling this out or knows what you write.
  • Your story stays anonymous. If you choose to share your Circle of Change answers, they're pooled with others' and stripped of anything identifying before they're ever shown to anyone outside the PAUSE team, including at the 2026 Ministerial Conference.
  • Your name and contact info are always optional. Leaving them blank never affects your experience of this toolkit.
  • You're in control. Skip any question. Close this tab any time. Nothing here is a test, a report, or a permanent record tied to you unless you choose to leave contact details.
  • This isn't a reporting channel about you. Sharing your own past or present discipline habits here does not trigger a child-welfare report. It's a reflection space, not an investigation.
If a child is in danger right now
🇵🇭 National Child Protection Hotline1343
🇵🇭 Makabata Helpline1383
🇻🇳 Child Protection Line111
🇰🇭 Child Helpline1280
Have something on your mind about PAUSE? You can reach the PAUSE team directly, for anything: a question, a concern, or something this toolkit brought up for you. A real person reads every message, and it stays between you and them.
Email the PAUSE team
vewu.pause@gmail.com · Focal person: Lyra Ashley U. Embalsado
PAUSE follows child safeguarding principles adapted from the Save the Children Child Safeguarding Policy. That same duty of care extends to you: nothing you share here is used to judge, report, or identify you.
Before you begin · The bigger picture
What is corporal punishment?
Corporal punishment means using physical force, even light, to correct a child. Spanking, pinching, and forcing a child to kneel are common examples in our region. Shaming or humiliating a child with words counts too.
How common is it, really This is not just a Philippines, Vietnam, or Cambodia problem. Around the world, most children experience some form of violent discipline at home, and most parents who use it experienced it themselves as children.
National Baseline Study on Violence Against Children, Council for the Welfare of Children & UNICEF, 2016 · Cambodia Demographic and Health Survey, 2021–2022
What the research found Decades of studies link it to more aggression, anxiety, and a weaker bond between parent and child, not better behavior. The one thing it reliably teaches is fear, in that moment.
Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor, meta-analysis of 75 studies, Journal of Family Psychology, 2016
"Effects of Corporal Punishment on Children" · animated research summary citing Alampay, Godwin & Lansford (English) · Watch on YouTube ↗
"Equal Protection for Children" · Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children (English) · Watch on YouTube ↗
That is why PAUSE exists. Not to judge you, but to give you what you were never given: another way.
Opening reflection
A moment to reflect Allow 2 to 3 minutes of quiet reflection. You may share if you feel ready, or simply sit with the memory.
Let's bring our minds back to when we were children.
Think back to the home where you grew up. Remember where you used to sit, play, or hide. What did your surroundings look like? What sounds did you often hear, your mother's or father's voice, the television, a radio, footsteps, or noise from outside? Remember the familiar smells of the house too, food cooking, soap, coffee, or the smell after the rain.

Remember the people you were often around. Where they were back then, what they called you, and how it felt to be with them.

Now, from those memories, go back to one specific moment when you were a child and you made a mistake.

Remember where you were, what you did, and who noticed first. Go back to the moment you realized you had done something wrong.

What did you feel first? What happened in your body, did you go cold, did your heart race, did you look down, did you cry?

Remember the person who disciplined you. Listen again, in your memory, to their voice. What words did they say? Was it shouting, strict, quiet, or calm?

And as the child you were then, what did you do after? Did you cry? Hide? Stay silent? Ask for forgiveness? Or promise yourself it would never happen again?

Go back to that moment, and remember what the child you were felt.
Most of us were never taught another way. PAUSE gives you one, not because you are wrong, but because you deserve better tools.
Carry what you just remembered with you as we continue.
Before Step 1 · What is positive discipline?
What is positive discipline?
Positive discipline means guiding a child's behavior by teaching, not hurting. It still says no. It still has rules and real consequences, like a time to calm down, losing a privilege, or fixing what they broke. What changes is how you get there: with calm words and clear reasons, not pain or fear.
Not new. Tested. Programs built on positive discipline have been studied with thousands of parents across Asia, including here in the Philippines, and consistently lower harsh punishment.
Lachman et al., randomized controlled trial of the MaPa parenting program, The Lancet Regional Health – Western Pacific, 2021
"Positive Discipline" · Coram, the UK's oldest children's charity (English) · Watch on YouTube ↗
"The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy" · Dr. Becky Kennedy, TED (English) · Watch on YouTube ↗
Punishment stops a behavior for a moment. Teaching changes it for good.
Before Step 1 · Where PAUSE came from
Where PAUSE came from
PAUSE began with a simple perspective: children deserve to grow up feeling safe, heard, guided, and supported as they learn and make mistakes.

From a child’s point of view, the way adults guide us can become part of how we understand ourselves, how we treat others, and how we learn to handle mistakes. This made us think about something important: what if discipline could help children grow without taking away their sense of safety, dignity, or worth?

PAUSE was created from that question.

It is not a lesson about being a perfect parent, nor is it about telling adults what they should or should not do. It is an invitation to pause, reflect, and discover the small changes that can make guidance more positive.

Because positive parenting is more than avoiding corporal punishment. It is about helping children understand boundaries, learn from mistakes, express their feelings, take responsibility, and grow with the support of the adults around them.

PAUSE is about making that shift together.
From punishment to guidance.
From fear to understanding.
From simply correcting behavior to helping children learn.
From reacting in the moment to choosing a response that helps a child grow.
And sometimes, meaningful change begins with something as simple as pausing.
Step 1 of 5
P
Pause
Stop before you react. Take one breath. Give yourself five seconds before you do or say anything.
The urge to react comes from the body, not the mind. One breath creates enough space to choose what happens next.
In the moment

Your child broke something after you told them not to. You feel the anger rise. Before anything else, breathe.

Step 2 of 5
A
Ask
Ask the child what happened. Let them speak first. Listen without interrupting.
Children often act out for reasons adults don't see. Asking before assuming shows respect, and gets you closer to the truth.
In the moment

"What happened?" Said calmly, not as an accusation. Wait for the answer even if it takes a moment to come.

Step 3 of 5
U
Understand
Consider why they did it. Were they scared? Confused? Bored? Testing limits? Still learning?
Behavior is communication. What looks like defiance is often a need the child doesn't know how to express yet.
In the moment

"What was going on for them?" Not to excuse the behavior, but to understand it before you respond.

Step 4 of 5
S
Support
Respond to the real need behind the behavior, not just the behavior itself. Guide, don't punish.
Children learn better through guidance than fear. A child who feels supported is safe enough to do better next time.
In the moment

Calm redirection. A clear boundary, explained with love. Your presence, not your anger.

Step 5 of 5
E
Encourage
End with something that builds trust, not fear. Let them know the mistake doesn't change how much you love them.
Children who feel loved after a mistake are more likely to be honest, try again, and trust the adults in their lives.
In the moment

"I know you can do better. I'm here." That's enough.

Circle of change
Your story matters.
The next five pages are a quiet space to notice what you learned, what you carry with you, and what you want to pass on differently. You do not have to have everything figured out. Just be honest with yourself.
What is the circle of change? The Circle of Change helps you connect the dots: what happened to you, what you learned from it, how it may show up in your responses today, and what you want to change. It is a chance to understand your patterns without judging yourself, and to choose one small step toward a safer, more respectful relationship with a child.
Remember · Notice · Choose · Guide · Commit
You are not being asked to judge the person you were, or the adults who raised you. You are being invited to notice what you want to keep, what you want to let go of, and what kind of memory you want a child to carry from you.
Circle of change · 1 of 5
Past
Take a breath before you answer.
What did discipline look like when you were growing up?
Who taught you that way, and what did you carry from it?
How did it make you feel, then and now?
✍️ Your answer
Please answer before moving on.
Circle of change · 2 of 5
Now
Be honest with yourself here. This is not a test.
When a child makes a mistake, how do you usually respond, and what do you feel?
What do you think is behind that feeling?
Do you notice a connection to how you were raised?
When that feeling takes over, what happens to your response?
✍️ Your answer
Please answer before moving on.
Circle of change · 3 of 5
Shift
What kind of adult do you want to be in the moments that matter?
Describe the change you want to make.
Why does that change matter to you?
What small first step could you take?
✍️ Your answer
Please answer before moving on.
Circle of change · 4 of 5
Limits
Positive discipline still has boundaries.
What boundaries matter most to you in raising children?
Can a child be disciplined without physical punishment?
Are those boundaries clear to the child, and how do you explain the reason behind them?
How do you know when a boundary needs adjusting?
✍️ Your answer
Please answer before moving on.
Circle of change · 5 of 5
Commitment
Write a message or a promise for your child, or the children in your care.
✍️ Your answer
Please answer before moving on.
Something went wrong. Please try again.
Your story has been saved. Thank you for choosing to pause. Violence ends with us.
What you do next can become part of a child’s memory of growing up with you. You do not have to get it right every time. Each pause is a chance to choose a kinder way forward.
Moving forward
Your next step, guided.
Whatever you need next, here is exactly where to go. You do not have to figure this out alone.
Below are real government and community programs. Do not worry about the short names, just ask your local office and they will know them.
PHILIPPINES · CHILD PROTECTION

Council for the Welfare of Children

Start here if you want official Philippine child protection information, positive parenting guidance, reporting pathways, and tools for families and communities.

🛡️
COUNCIL FOR THE WELFARE OF CHILDREN

MAKABATA Helpline 1383

The Council for the Welfare of Children identifies MAKABATA 1383 as the country’s central reporting mechanism for Children in Need of Special Protection. It can be a pathway for reporting child protection concerns, seeking guidance, and connecting with services.

Visit CWC ↗ Call 1383
💬

How do you discipline your child?

A CWC resource that opens a conversation about physical discipline and positive parenting.

Read the CWC resource ↗
WATCH · LOOK · EXPLORE

See the ideas in action

You do not have to read every link. Here are a few videos and visual stories from organisations already working with parents, caregivers and communities.

UNICEF PHILIPPINES · PLAY

Science of Play

A UNICEF Philippines mini-parenting masterclass on how play supports children's physical, emotional, cognitive and creative development.

Open UNICEF story ↗
Video and page: UNICEF Philippines. Embedded from the original source.
PETA · LOVE DOES NOT HURT · ARTS ZONE

Love Does Not Hurt · Positive discipline through the arts

See how PETA's Children's Theater Program grew into the ARTS Zone Project, its work promoting children's right to safety and positive discipline. PETA continues to identify the ARTS Zone Project as a program advocating positive discipline.

Watch on Facebook ↗Explore PETA ARTS Zone ↗
Video: PETA Theater. The Love Does Not Hurt campaign was part of PETA ARTS Zone's positive-discipline advocacy; PETA's ARTS Zone Project continues to advocate positive discipline.
UNICEF Raising Parents documentary visual Meet the families ↗
UNICEF · RAISING PARENTS

Raising Parents

A documentary about four families and the realities of learning, growing and finding support as a caregiver. It is a gentle way to remember that parenting is a journey, not something anyone has to do perfectly.

Watch the documentary ↗Explore the stories ↗
Photo and documentary: UNICEF. Photo credit: UNICEF. Linked to the original source.
🇵🇭 To keep building this skill, in the Philippines

Family and community support

PAUSE is not a replacement for professional or community support. Ask your local social worker, 4Ps Family Development Session facilitator, barangay, or child protection worker what is available in your area.

🤝

Ask your 4Ps or barangay social worker about Family Development Sessions

These sessions now use MaPa (Masayang Pamilya), a positive parenting program made for Filipino families and shown to actually work. It was built by university researchers with UNICEF Philippines. See MaPa's programs at masayangpamilya.org ↗

Explore MaPa ↗
🎭

Bring PETA's “Love Does Not Hurt” campaign to your community

PETA's ARTS Zone project uses theater and workshops to teach positive discipline in schools and barangays, including in Valenzuela.

Explore PETA ARTS Zone ↗
🌿

Ask your local POPCOM office about Responsible Parenting Classes

The Commission on Population and Development runs free classes for couples and parents on family planning, spacing children, and family wellbeing, alongside DSWD's Family Development Sessions.

Explore POPCOM ↗
🌼

UNICEF Philippines · parenting and child protection

Learn about prevention, family and community support, child protection systems, and services in the Philippines.

Parenting guide ↗ Child protection ↗
🇻🇳 To keep building this skill, in Vietnam

Vietnam support

🌿

Ask about “Nobody’s Perfect” parenting training

Delivered with MOLISA and local employers or community centers for caregivers of children under 8.

📞

Call 111 for more than emergencies

The national child protection line also offers ongoing parenting counseling, not only crisis reporting.

Call 111
🇰🇭 To keep building this skill, in Cambodia

Cambodia support

🌱

Join a Positive Parenting Programme session

Run through your commune Ministry of Women's Affairs office, with training on communication and nonviolent discipline.

💬

Message the ParentingTips chatbot

Free on Telegram, or call 1279 to register for tips by voice call.

Call 1279
🌏 Reading this from somewhere else? You still have a place to go

Wherever you are

Choose the resource that fits what you need right now. Each link takes you to the organisation's own website.

📞

Find a helpline in your own country

Child Helpline International connects to free, local child helplines in over 140 countries.

Find a child helpline ↗
⚖️

Check your country's laws and get more research

The Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children tracks laws and research worldwide.

Read the research and laws ↗
💚

Find family planning and reproductive health support

The International Planned Parenthood Federation links to member clinics and helplines worldwide.

Find an IPPF member association ↗
🩺

WHO · corporal punishment and health

Read the World Health Organization's evidence summary on corporal punishment and health.

Read WHO ↗
You do not have to do everything here. Choose one place to begin. A conversation. A helpline. A resource. One different response, one moment at a time. ↑ Back to the beginning of this page Want to revisit the research or the film on positive discipline? They are on the earlier pages of this toolkit, anytime you need them again.
Sources & attribution: Links above point to the original organisations and their own resources. PAUSE does not reproduce their materials; it connects you to them. For urgent child protection concerns, use the appropriate local emergency or child protection service.
Your pocket card · Keep this close
In a moment of stress, this is all you need. Screenshot it and put it somewhere you will see it.
P
Pause Breathe. Five seconds before you react.
A
Ask Ask the child what happened. Listen first.
U
Understand Why did they do it? Behavior is communication.
S
Support Respond to the need. Guide, don't punish.
E
Encourage End with love. The mistake doesn't change that.
Where your responses go Your story, collected anonymously alongside others, will be presented at the 2nd Global Ministerial Conference on Ending Violence Against Children, Manila, November 2026.
Designed by young people · Violence Ends With Us · Asia-Pacific